Post bar trip - Day 2 - Waterfalls: 1 Tim: 0





That's right after today the waterfalls of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park are shutting me out - I will explain a little later. We slept in a little today and then headed out on a short hike before lunch time. We had a list of several hikes and waterfalls/other sites we were interested in hiking to while in the park but really didn't have a preference as to where to start so we just started with one of the trails that was closest to where we were. That just so happened to be the trail to Rainbow Falls. After looking at the map and distances a few times, as well as the trail sign, we thought we were headed on a 2.6 mile round trip hike to the falls - a good way to ease into our hikes for the week - or so we thought.

As we started the climb the altitude change was definitely having an impact and it quickly felt like it was taking us MUCH longer to reach our destination or to see any signs of progress. We just fought through it thinking that fatigue was trying to win the battle and after a few short breaks we were finally at Rainbow Falls! We noticed right away that there were a ton of rocks between the pool of the falls and where we were and at first were not sure whether we could climb to actually get closer to the falls or if this was as close as we were going to get. Then we noticed a few groups of people that were not only close to the falls but walking underneath it and after a few minutes of planning it out we started our climb on the rocks to get closer. I took a few shots from the base and spent a lot of time just waiting for other people and their kids to enjoy the falls before climbing back down (in other words waiting for them to get out of my picture). I kid - it is difficult to hike to a beautiful spot and set up and have a few other people climb up and stand in front of the subject you are trying to capture - sometimes for quite a while - but then I have to remind myself that they too made the same trek to enjoy the same view and just because the timing put us in the same place at the same time, they are just as entitled to enjoy the waterfall as I am. Of course it is a bit more difficult to practice what I preach after a hike that climbed about 1,500 ft in altitude with all of my gear and have finally framed it and a guy leads his kids square into the frame, but in the end I know that no one person or group is more entitled to enjoy the display that nature has created - so I wait.

After some people cleared out of the way I took a few shots from a point at the base of the falls but the sun was high and camera right so it was creating a lot of lens flare so I knew that if I was going to get any good light I was going to have to move to the right of the falls. Unfortunately the only way to do that was to actually walk UNDER the falls on a very narrow and slippery trail to the other side. Before heading across I took a few shots of Britt & I next to the falls and they really show the true scale of this 80+ ft waterfall:



Once I took those shots I headed off under the fall with my camera mounted on the tripod. To get under the waterfall there is about a 1 foot gap between the cliff and the flowing water, all of it is very slippery and not flat, so it is quite a challenge even if you're not carrying thousands of dollars worth of gear. I put my hat over the camera to keep any major drips off of it and actually made it across unscathed so I headed down the rocks to set up my shots from the other side. I climbed down and took a few shots and the light from that side was much better and I was satisfied.



All I had to do now was head back across the falls and meet up with Britt to climb back down with all of my gear. I had a pretty good path planned out through the pool where the waterfall was and most of the rocks were relatively dry and appeared safe. There was one spot that I would have to step in some water in order to get to the next dry rock. Once I got to this point I stepped into the water with my right foot and then tried to figure out my next step. I put my left foot onto a rock that was partially submerged and it didn't move so it looked like I could get some traction on it so I transferred my weight. That's when it happened. As soon as I got my weight onto my left side I lost traction aaaaaaaaaaaaaand down I went, camera, tripod and all. My left knee slammed into the corner of a rock and the rest of me followed suit. Fortunately thanks to my athletic background I know how to fall. This may not make a ton of sense to some, but if you've taken hits and hit the ground hard before, your body kind of learns how to fall to protect the essentials. Fortunately I was able to fall and somehow kept my camera and tripod (the essentials in this situation) out of the water. Brittany was above me and didn't see me fall but definitely heard the impact but before she could react I was up (for better or worse) and giving her the thumbs up. As soon as I stood up I felt like I had slit my knee from side to side but I knew it was better that I not check out the damage until I was off of the rocks. We made it down off of the rocks and I checked myself out and was happy to see that it was only a scrape:






What I didn't realize is the slight swelling I had but after looking at it I knew it could have been much MUCH worse so I was pleased and accepted this as my close call of the trip. I knew I was probably still going to climb on some rocks near waterfalls to get the best shots I could, but this was definitely my warning to play it a little safer than I had been. To remind myself of this I took a few shots of the warning signs that I flew past on my way up to the falls:





Looks like SOMEONE forgot to closely control me...

While we were on our way down the pain in my knee gradually got worse and then I checked it while we were taking a break and I was stunned to see what looked like a baseball where my knee was supposed to be. After that check I decided it would probably be best not to look again until we were safely at the car. Then one of us happened to look at our watch and realized that this hike was taking more than twice as long as it should be. We stopped so my fearless Magellan could check the map and trail distance one more time and you guessed it, the trail was 2.6 miles one way. Here we are sharing a laugh about our mistake before I realized I had about 2 more miles to hike on this knee:



and my navigator posing with her trusty government issued navigating tool:



After at least another hour of hiking back down we finally made it to the car. My feet and knee felt like they were on fire and here is the result:





ahh the things I do for photography...

Once we made it back to the cabin we decided it was time for a nap and get some rest since we were done for the day after "easing" into our hikes for the trip. Right now I am icing my knee and fortunately the swelling is going down a bit but the pain is still there - hopefully I'm not really sore tomorrow and we can head back out on the trails.

Post bar trip - Day 1



Today we set out on our eagerly awaited and much needed post bar trip. We planned the trip during my preparation time and it really gave me something to look forward to. I definitely needed a vacation and Brittany deserves one for putting up with me (and my "Bar Beard" over the past 2 months). We decided to rent a cabin in the Smokeys on the side of a mountain - something neither of us had ever experienced before and after all of our hiking experience in Alaska we were definitely ready to enjoy the Great Smoky Mountain National Park. Another great plus is the cabin is "pet friendly" so we could bring our "kids" with us to take part in the fun!

I didn't sleep much the night before - I have been on a really bad sleep pattern so its hard to go to bed around midnight if the last 2 nights, the earliest I had gotten to bed was 3 a.m. We headed out about 6:30 and had a relatively smooth trip. Otis cried for a pretty good portion of it but he has been doing better - it is annoying when it is going on but god help him, imagine taking all of the energy of a Rat Terrier and putting him in a car for 8 hours - its amazing he didn't explode. Kohana on the other hand, just sits down and watches out the window, or just sleeps. The differences in the 2 breeds is amazing. :-)

I drove the first 5 hours and then handed the driving duties off to Britt in North Carolina somewhere right before the mountain driving started. I didn't plan it that way, but can't say I was too upset about it. We lost about an hour on the drive thanks to our GPS which took us through the national forest instead of around it like our other directions but it was a great preview of the beautiful park and definitely added to the excitement of hiking in the park tomorrow.

After fighting some really wild mountain roads we finally made it to the cabin and it is beautiful! It is 2 stories with 2 back porches that face the east and a forest and mountainside. The upper level porch has 2 comfortable chairs as well as a hot tub and just behind the living room there is a full size pool table. The bedroom is downstairs and is beautiful and also has a porch! I can't wait to spend the week here relaxing!

One "hurdle" when we arrived is we realized that Kohana has actually never been up or down a flight of stairs. She was absolutely stumped and terrified when we headed down to the bedroom and Otis followed suit - she just stood at the top of the stairs and cried. We tried as hard as we could to coax her down with calls/treats etc., but nothing was working and Otis was getting full from eating all of her treats. Finally, we realized that the only way to get her to make a run at the stairs was to walk with her and literally slowly pull her down. She finally made it down and then we had to do the same getting up. Her first attempt going down the stairs on her own was a little hairy, gravity kind of took over and her front feet really couldn't keep up - it was hard not to laugh. After a few trial runs she became an expert and then started going up at will, and most of the time for no reason - she was definitely proud of herself like she had learned a new trick.

After we got settled in we decided to head back into the park and try to catch the sunset. Unfortunately we weren't familiar with the park yet and it took longer than we had planned to find a good vantage point but I was able to take a few shots before we lost all light:



Can't wait to see what tomorrow's sunrise brings!

Part 5 – Florida Bar Day 2 – February 25th, 2009 – Afternoon Session:

Once I got to my seat for the FINAL session of the bar exam I again struck up a conversation with my “tablemate” and we actually exchanged emails with each other. We shared an extreme dislike for Ohio State and he seemed somewhat fond of UF athletics so hopefully he gets in touch and I can help him get into a game in “The Swamp” sometime soon. After a short conversation we both decided to put the earplugs in for one last round and pretty much tried to ignore the constant droning of the repeated “test instructions.” Right on cue the instructions ended early and we were stuck sitting there waiting in anxious silence for the last section of our test to finally begin so it could FINALLY end. Then, as usual, we were able to spring into action. One of my main concerns in this final section was to avoid the “smell the barn” syndrome so to speak. In other words I knew I was getting close and didn’t want to rush to the finish, or into the barn, and not give the test the focus and attention that it deserved in order to pass. I quickly reminded myself of all of the pain and suffering that I had gone through in preparation as well as the prior three sessions of this test and couldn’t smell the barn any more. As with the second section of day 1 the first 10 questions or so were extremely longer and definitely more difficult than I expected. I’m not sure if it was me still being in lunch mode or a tactic by the test makers to try to break me down, and take even more of my energy and make me quit on myself before I really even got into the main test. Regardless of what it was, I was onto the scheme and knew that all of the questions couldn’t be as hard as some of those were and moved on with my confidence intact.

My timing was very close to that of the earlier MBE session so I wasn’t going to have 30-45 extra minutes like I did during the practice tests and would have to pay more attention to my time management but I definitely had enough time to give adequate attention to each question. I took my first break right on cue at the 33 question mark and then settled back in, relaxed and watched the clock for a couple of minutes and was back into the questions. Of all of the sections of the exam this was the first one that I noticeably felt fatigue creeping in as I was answering each question. At the end of day one I knew I was expending a lot of energy but didn’t feel fatigued until after I walked out, but day two session two, the fatigue was going to factor in early and often. Just one more thing to think about and worry about while trying to take the most demanding exam I’ve ever taken – gotta love it.

I finished all of the questions that I didn’t skip to come back to and took my last restroom/mental break. As I sat back down I looked up at the red countdown clock and realized I only had 30 minutes left of this test and then this whole experience would be OVER for good – at least until the results come out. I went back to the beginning and went over the questions that I wasn’t 100% sure about but made an educated guess. I would say that 8 out of 10 times I re-visited a question I would still go with my initial instinct and answer choice, but due to either the length or difficulty of the question it was worth re-reading a few times and really focusing on so I could give it my best shot at picking the “best” answer. I finished my re-read questions with about 3 minutes to spare and finally felt my first big sigh of relief, knowing that this exam was finally over for me. I didn’t really care whether I passed or failed at that point, but was just happy that I had done my best, I hadn’t quit on myself, and I was DONE. I sat back in my chair and relaxed and watched a few people throughout the room rush to finish in time and then finally the proctor announced it was over!

The noise of everyone jumping up out of their chairs at once was almost louder than the start on day 1 and we were all on our way out. Some cheered as they left, hugged other classmates, some literally ran out, and I found one of my close friends and classmates Ray who was sitting a few tables up from me and we both walked out of the test together reveling in the fact that this ordeal was finally behind us. Even though the test was over, the only thing we could talk about was either the test, or waiting on the dreaded results – it’s a horrible cycle. As we exited we turned in our answer booklets and were then free from studying but not worry.

When I was leaving I didn’t feel like I had done amazingly well on the test but I knew all of the information that I was told to study, I wasn’t completely surprised/baffled by any one question, and I didn’t quit on myself and let the test win. So although I won’t know if it was a complete success until I get the results – I felt like the testing experience was a success. It was funny as we exited the testing area to see that a pretty wise entrepreneur who had set up and was selling beer immediately outside of the test! It was so very tempting, but I knew that it was probably way too expensive and that I was meeting my parents for dinner so I (wisely) decided to hold off.
Once I congratulated a few friends for making it all the way through I made my way outside and took my first breath of fresh air without the worry of studying for or taking the exam – it was a beautiful afternoon and it felt amazing! My parents were supposed to meet me in town after the exam and head out to dinner to celebrate and then take in a Florida Southern vs. University of Tampa basketball game. I walked back to the hotel I was staying in so I could get my phone out of my car and find out if my parents were in town yet. After getting in touch we had to locate each other in downtown Tampa traffic at 5 o clock. This turned out to be almost as stressful as the test but finally we located each other and I was in the car with my parents relaxing on the way to dinner.

We decided to head to Channelside and once we finally managed to park I was getting the much needed hugs from Mom and Dad before we walked to dinner. Since it was a Wednesday night there really wasn’t much going on in the Channelside area but we decided to grab dinner at Bennigan’s and fortunately (and fittingly) it was happy hour so I was finally enjoying a much needed beer - or two. I don’t think I really realized how tired I was until I settled down into the booth at the restaurant and then it hit me all at once and I was just completely numb and in shock from the whole experience. Then we started talking about the whole thing and the adrenaline kicked in again and I was talking about all sorts of experiences I had gone through during the test. It was so great to relax and not have the test to worry about while also finally spending some time with my parents when I wasn’t completely stressed out. It really is very hard to put into words how happy and relaxed I was for the first time since I graduated on December 13.

Dinner was great and I swear I haven’t eaten that well since before I graduated and finally at least some of the pressure was off. Then we headed over to the University of Tampa for their 2nd matchup of the season. For those of you who do not follow the Sunshine State Conference, FSC and UT have been bitter rivals since well before I started working for FSC as a kid and through high school. The games are always the same – amazingly physical, poorly officiated, and ALWAYS close. The crowds also put up a solid battle and it always feels like you’re going through the game just like the athletes. So much so I even got into it with an official scorer on my way out of the gym for a drink at halftime. Long story short, the guy wasn’t doing his job, became part of a game, and one of his mistakes (which he refused to own up to or address) could have actually changed the game. This is completely unacceptable and from my experience working on a very similar crew with UF and the SEC I know how important it is to do your job and get it right. We exchanged pleasantries and I was on my way to get a diet coke and I am very pleased to announce that he had a much, much, better second half – which his all I wanted. The game was very exciting and definitely hard fought and fortunately Florida Southern won and clinched the regular season title!

The drive back to Lakeland went by quickly and fatigue was definitely setting in once I got to the house. When we got there I was finally able to take a load off and it took me a while to finally make my way into the bedroom but once I did I found these waiting for me:



The new irons I had been fitted for a few months back as a graduation/Christmas gift had come in TODAY – what timing! What a perfect ending to my day! This definitely made my day and I cannot wait to take them out to the course and test them out! Hopefully I will pass the bar and be able to spend more time golfing and enjoying myself and much less time studying and stressing out. After a couple of beers with Dad and watching some highlights of Tiger Woods’ return to the PGA Tour I was ready for bed and as you would imagine, it didn’t take very long at all for me to fall asleep.

The next morning I got up and headed out to the golf course with dad to get fitted for a new driver. Looks like I will be really getting into the golf with all of this new gear. The only problem is if I get all of this great new technologically advanced golf equipment, I’ll have nothing left to blame all of my bad shots on but myself. Looks like I’m going to have to practice before all of these tournaments I have coming up! After a lunch with Dad at The Heights once again Mom came home a little early from school to see me off and just like that I was on my road back to Jacksonville after my whirlwind trip to Lakeland for the bar.
My homecoming was great, and it was so good to see my wife, cat, and dogs again, this time with much less stress. I was finally home and this experience was finally over – at least until the results are released on April 13…

**Postscript – Leading into this post, my goal was to simply document my experiences and type out a couple of pages setting out some of my experiences during the bar exam – as I wrote, and wrote, and wrote, this post turned into something far more. I can honestly say this has been absolutely most difficult thing I have EVER written (and I have been faced with some very emotionally and mentally challenging “assignments”). The more I wrote the more these experiences and the anxiety rushed back into my mind – the fear, the enormous self doubt, the anxiety, the physiological symptoms and the stress were all flooding back to me like I was experiencing this for the very first time but I had to write it so I would remember and learn from this challenge regardless of how my results turn out. As challenging as it was, it was definitely worthwhile for me to reflect and learn from this experience – thank you for reading**

Part 4 - FL Bar Day 2 - February 25th, 2009 - Morning Session:

Before I knew it, it was 6:00 a.m. and the alarm was sounding once again. I got up and went through the same morning ritual that I had gone through the day before – get ready, check email, read mom’s email, cry, review some, call dad, cry, pray and then walk to the convention center. Today’s walk to the convention center was much less like a foot dragging walk to the death chamber but more like a confident walk to finish what I started and hopefully take the last major test of my lifetime. Regardless of the result or how things were going thus far I was ready for it to be over and out of my life, at least until I check the results. When I walked up to the convention center front doors the usual suspect were out front again and after a few words we all headed in together. As we got upstairs our bar coaches and deans were there again to show their support for us in our 2nd day. We stood around and chatted for a while and then headed through the metal detectors once again to head into the room.

Entering the room today didn’t have nearly the shock or anxiety that it did the day before. I knew what the room looked like, how it was set up, how many people to expect to see and hear so to a certain extent, the bar exam had lost its intimidation factor as far as the testing environment was concerned. Once I was seated at my table I had a chance to talk with the student I was sharing the table with and he was a very nice guy from Akron, Ohio planning a move to Florida. It is funny how even if you really don’t know someone, if you go through something like this you feel kind of a bond and it was nice to chat with him some before Day 2 started. It was also nice to have someone to talk to instead of listening to the same test instructions being read over and over and over again. At around 8:50 it was time to settle in and they were asking for the doors to be closed and the tension/anxiety began to ramp up once again. Of course the test instructions ended before 9:00 so we were stuck sitting there waiting in stone silence again until exactly 9:00. I was definitely nervous the closer it got to 9:00 but I was not nearly as ramped up as yesterday and I was very thankful for that. The proctor got us started again and the bang of all of those test booklets opening was as loud as ever but this time the noise subsided fairly quickly since half the room wasn’t pounding away on their laptops during the essay portion.

After jumping into the multistate multiple choice questions the time began to fly by. I was actually surprised at the length of some of the questions. They were not any longer than the thousands I had done in practice but all of the discussions I had with former test takers made me think that if anything the MBE fact patterns/questions would be a little shorter than the practice questions I had done over the past 2 months. This surprise wasn’t too much to handle because they weren’t any longer than the practice questions I was used to being timed for so I just settled in and went with the flow. As with the FL multiple choice, all of my full 100 question practice runs I was consistently finishing 30-45 minutes before time was up but again around my first self imposed break at 33 questions I knew that I was going to have to take full advantage of all of the allotted time. Like with the FL section I hope that this was a sign that I was taking my time and thoroughly going through each question in order to make the best choices possible and not a matter of me being confused or not managing my time properly.
For the first break I just sat at my table and rested my eyes/brain for a bit by looking up or watching the clock for about 2 minutes. The problem with not actually getting up to go to the restroom during the break is figuring out where to look so it doesn’t look like you’re making any attempt to see anyone else’s answers. #1 I would never try to cheat on any test – even without the moral reasons not to cheat – after coming this far and hopefully getting through the bar’s character & fitness background checks why on earth would anyone take that kind of risk and #2 – its impossible to cheat – the test forms are split up into a number of different books and they’re perfectly spread around the tables and rows. Sadly though, many people have tried over the years or they wouldn’t have these policies in place. So fearful and absolutely paranoid of screwing anything up at this point after all I’ve been through, even trying to find somewhere to look and daydream causes stress.

Once the break was over I was right back to it and I was immersed in the questions. Before I knew it I was to question 66 and made my way to the restroom for another quick break. The walking/sign in process is a pain in the ass but at least I didn’t have to stress trying to figure out where to safely look! Once I got back to my seat I finished up the 100 and then went back over a few that I left blank because I had it narrowed down to two and then re-read each question and tried to make the best choice. I finished and then re-checked all of my answers and had about 2 extra minutes to just sit and relax.

Once time was up we had to wait at our tables again to turn in our answers and then we had the same amount of time for lunch. This time leaving for lunch was even more of a relief because I knew that there were only 3 hours and 100 more questions left of this test no matter what! That thought alone brings a smile and a lot of relaxation. For lunch I headed back to the FCSL catered lunch which was just as awesome and convenient as it was yesterday and was really a great time to get some lunch and relax with plenty of familiar faces. The mood of this lunch compared to yesterday was completely different. There was much less tension and the whole crowd was much more talkative and relaxed during the lunch – there were even a few laughs and jokes between the bar coaches and the students. That hour flew by and I backed off of the coffee this time and kept it to one cup so I didn’t have to make an early bathroom trip like I did during day 1 session 2.

As I walked in for the last time my mood had relaxed even more and it wasn’t this dumb confidence that I was doing amazingly well on the test, but more because I saw the light at the end of the tunnel, and at the worst there were only 100 questions and 3 hours standing between me and the end of this ordeal for now.

Part 3 – Florida Bar Exam Day 1 – Afternoon Session:

After lunch I was finally through the metal detectors again and in my seat getting ready to start the 2nd half of day 1. As I took my seat I was much more relaxed and confident than I was when I sat down in the morning. This relaxation and confidence wasn’t because I knew I was going to do extremely well, or even pass, but just knowing what was coming my way – other than the one mystery section, there were going to be no surprises or added stress/anxiety. This helped me a ton. As the section began I was extremely curious as to which third section I was going to face. Fittingly on the third question I was faced with, on its face, appeared to deal with corporations and I immediately reacted and kind of took a confidence hit knowing that this was probably my weakest of the two sections. After reading the entire question it turned out that it was actually a civil procedure question dealing with a corporation – so I was saved for now. A few questions later my confidence was back as I was faced with a clear question on wills! Again, I didn’t think I was going to get every question correct, or maybe not even half of them correct, but it was a small bit of confidence to help me work through this multiple choice section.

During my multiple choice practice sections I was consistently finishing a 100 question set 30-45 minutes before the expiration of the allotted time. After answering my first 33 questions I planned to stop and take my first break. At this point I realized that the time was going to be much tighter during the actual test. This is probably a good thing, the question fact patterns weren’t any longer so I took it to mean that (hopefully) I was taking more time to read the questions and the answers to make the right choices in my answer. I needed a mental break and made my first trip to the restroom during the test. As with anything connected with the bar exam, nothing is easy. In order to go to the restroom you have to make the long walk to the front of the testing area with your test, answer sheet, and ID and then sign your name as well as the time that you are entering the restroom (in front of 2 proctors) and then you’re finally free to do whatever it is you need to do. I honestly believe that it took me longer to walk to the front and sign in than it did for me to actually go. Once that ordeal was out of the way I was back to testing and before I knew it, I was going over a few questions I skipped and then time was up and my first day of the Florida Bar was over about as fast as it started.

After finishing up I headed back to the same hotel for a dessert/snack time that FCSL provided us and grabbed some things to eat as well as some coffee and other drinks to help me get ready for the next few hours of forgetting everything I knew about Florida law and reviewing all I knew about the MBE (multistate bar exam). I relaxed for a bit and was then on my way back to my hotel (being very mindful of the 5:00 traffic in downtown Tampa) and made it back for some multistate review. After a couple of hours of reviewing it was time for dinner and I headed out to a Five Guys nearby and had a quick dinner with Will, Lee and some other friends. This was a great dinner we went over some questions that we thought were a bit too much as well as to talk about other experiences we had during the test and it really helped relax us all. Some parts of the discussion were good and helped give me confidence while others really didn’t do much but make me want to run back to the hotel room and study. After we ate and talked a bit more it was time to head back to the room and do some more review before bed.

Our bar coaches and many other former test takers and passers encouraged us not to do a ton of review after the first day and the most important thing to do was relax and just stay as rested as possible to be ready for day 2. So with this in mind I took a few minutes to have a small photo shoot with some of the things I brought along with me:



The items from left to right and were really kind of my survival kit to help me get through. The first item is my bar exam identification which I had to have at all times to get into the test – without it – no test and no passing grade. The picture is of my family on half court of the O’Connell Center right before I proposed to my wife – this was one of the happiest days of my life and my family is THE most important thing in my life so this is a pretty powerful picture to me. I would not be where I am today without the help and support of my family and wife. To the right of the photo is my Hoops & Yoyo panic button that my mom got me for Christmas this year – apparently she knew what was coming. I hit the button during my studying when things weren’t going too well and I also hit it right before leaving the room to go to both days of the test and it definitely helped bring a smile during some of the toughest times. Next to the panic button is Erlvis – the head honcho of the chicken family who was along for the ride and served as my bodyguard throughout. Finally, above the photo is the mantra that our bar coaches made us say almost every time we spoke and they even printed out copies like the one here for us to have. Mine was always in view and even though I may not have believed it when I was bombing practice tests, if I said it enough eventually I’d give in and at least start to believe it a little.
After the photo shoot I reviewed for a while and then watched the UF vs. LSU basketball game – although I would have preferred a different and maybe even winning result, at least I was spending my time watching college basketball instead of wasting my time to relax by even more last minute studying. Once the game was over I did spend about an hour and a half of final review and was in bed by 12:30. I followed the same bedtime and prayer routine that I had gone through the night before and again felt the warmth, peace, and relaxation I needed to fall asleep almost immediately. I honestly cannot explain how well I slept these two nights but I am so thankful.

Part 2 - Florida Bar Day 1 – February 24th, 2009 – Morning Session:
I got up at 6 a.m. and my stomach and nerves were a wreck. I quickly showered, got ready, and did one more short review of the Florida topics that I may encounter in a matter of hours. Then it happened – I was done – there was nothing more to review and I knew that at this point, if it wasn’t already in my head, it wasn’t going to be there. I then checked my email and right on cue and almost as expected there was an email from my Mom and as usual it brightened my day. It honestly brought me to tears, partially because of my emotional state before taking the bar, but mostly because of the amazing support I have from both of my parents and I knew that I was ready to take this exam on and do my best.

It was almost time to leave but I called my Dad before heading out the door. This is somewhat different protocol than what we usually did prior to law school final exams – usually Dad would find out what time the test was and then give me a call prior to me going into the test. Since he didn’t want to interrupt any last minute preparation he asked that I call him. We talked for a few and he mirrored what he had been telling me since my first day of elementary school – just do your best and everything else will take care of itself. He gave me some great encouragement and once again I was in tears for the same reasons above – the test had broken me down and made me an emotional wreck and again, the love and support from both of my parents was so overwhelming and touching I didn’t know what else to do. After our talk I composed myself, made sure I had my admission ticket, prayed one last time, and was out the door.

On the 10 minute walk to the convention center I ended up walking with a kid from Michigan that was originally from Florida. We struck up a friendly and nerve riddled conversation and it really helped to relax us both and then finally we were there. Standing outside the convention center (smoking like chimneys) were some friendly faces that I had gone through bar-bri and the test prep process – Will (the first and best friend I ever had at FCSL), Lee, Hailey, and then an old friend who transferred away from FCSL, Elias, walked up. It was like the old gang was back together again and standing around outside talking really helped all of us relax and it was nice to go into the convention center with people I knew.

We all headed inside and picked up our ID badges and of course I was in the wrong line – my last name (still) starts with a D so standing in the A-C line didn’t do me much good. The guy was nice and took care of me and made sure I got my ID anyway. We then headed upstairs and were greeted by some more friendly faces – one of the deans from FCSL as well as the FCSL academic success team and our bar coaches that helped us through the preparation process. This is one of the things that makes FCSL stand out from many other schools – they were there for us when we walked in the door as 1L’s and they were there for us when we walked in the door for (hopefully) our last test ever – the bar exam. Seeing them and having a short chat really helped relax me a bit and let me know there were a ton of people rooting for me and the rest of the FCSL class.

Then the doors to the testing area were opened and a line began to form at the metal detectors and it was time to go in. When you enter the test there are very few items that are allowed in. The only things allowed in are earplugs, and a few other very small personal items but you can’t even bring in your own pens or pencils – they supply them. So you have to pass through a metal detector and any prohibited items are just thrown away – it makes for quite a cluster with thousands of nervous future lawyers just trying to get in and sit down and take the test. I made it through the metal detectors with no problems and then with a handshake and good luck from Will & Lee we headed in.

Even though I had seen the room the day before it was still pretty intimidating and was alive with activity. All of the tables had been set up and there was a large stage at the front of the room with a table for some bar examiners to sit and a podium in front of the big red digital countdown clock where someone was reading the test instructions. If nerves weren’t a factor up until this point they certainly were now. My heart and mind was racing, stomach was in knots and in my throat, mouth was dry, hands were sweaty. Take whatever you think I was experiencing, multiply that by about 1,000 and then you’ve almost got the right perspective. I finally found my seat among about 2,500 others and settled in. The tables are rectangular and seat two and there is an aisle on each side so you actually share a table with another person taking the test. The wooden tables are very old and sometimes uneven so it looked like writing was going to be an interesting task.

I was in my seat by 8:40 and the test starts at exactly 9:00. The person reading the instructions reads the full script, pauses for about 5 seconds and then begins reading the (same) script again. As if there wasn’t enough running through my mind already I couldn’t figure out why they just didn’t wait, or at least change it up a bit, but it just kept droning over and over again. I did all I could to keep myself from trying to memorize it just to pass the time. At around 8:45 the person announcing asked that the doors be closed and everyone outside to be brought in – they were finally, and literally, sealing our fate. Again, the nerves and anxiety ramped up another degree.

The proctor then finally began to give our final test instructions. After the instructions and bubbling of my name and other info the instructions were done and it was only 8:55 and there was absolute silence in the room. Surely they’d start the exam and timer now that the instructions were done - right? No – the test would start at exactly 9:00 – so what were we to do for the next 5 minutes? Just sit and reflect on everything we’ve been through, all we have learned, and trying to somehow retain all of this information for another 5 minutes. If I had to think of the worst 5 minutes of my life this would certainly be top 3. At this point again, the anxiety/tension was through the roof. Honestly I am getting stressed and sweating through my shirt thinking about it/typing this right now – it’s amazing and you really don’t know about it until you’ve been through it. I had my earplugs in, so all I could hear was my heartbeat and myself breathing and the more I listened the faster it got. There’s really no good way to describe how that time felt other than waiting to be shot out of a cannon or maybe waiting for a rocket launch. The closer it gets to go time the more pressure and it continues to rise and rise until BOOM. Then, with very little warning, at exactly 9:00 a.m. the proctor said 3 simple words that set the February 2009 bar exam in motion – “You may begin” and then BOOM we had liftoff. The sound of 2,500+ ripping into their test booklets frantically at almost exactly the same time is louder than a gunshot (even through my earplugs).

As soon as the test started all of those negative thoughts, my anxiety, the racing heart etc. simply disappeared and I was again at peace and focused on the test. It was great to not even have time to worry about the test or failure but just simply taking the test and doing the best I could. The morning portion was the Florida essay portion and the fact patterns were pretty interesting and asked about numerous areas of law within each one so I set off with the one I was most comfortable answering and writing down all I knew. If I did make a mistake during the morning session it would probably be a little time management. I spent an hour and a half (1/2 of my time) on the first essay question I answered simply because there was so much information that I knew I wanted to put as much as I could to get the most points from that question. This limited me to 45 minutes each for the other two (which really wasn’t that limiting) essay questions. I used all of the time given and actually didn’t even have time to get up and use the restroom.

Before I knew it the large red digital timer was under a minute left and I was summing up my final essay through horrendous hand cramps. Once the time is up the proctors and volunteers collect the answers but they weren’t very specific as to what we could do with the question books. Some people asked but were given no answers so I erred on the side of caution and left mine at my table. As it turns out we were allowed to keep the 3 questions and a few of my classmates did. I was kind of disappointed I missed out on an opportunity for some FL Bar memorabilia but I imagine I will live.

So now it is time for lunch and we have an hour and a half but are supposed to be back in the testing room by 1:00 or 1:15 so really it only works out to a little over an hour. Fortunately for me and the rest of the FCSL grads the school pays for a catered lunch in a private room at the hotel that adjoins the convention center by a pedestrian bridge. I cannot stress enough how amazingly helpful this was for us. Knowing exactly where you are going for lunch takes out so many factors that would have added even more stress onto us during our break of all things. I honestly do not know what I would have done for lunch if this option was not available to us. There were some food vendors at the actual convention center, but as you would imagine they were covered up with the thousands of the other people taking the test whose law schools didn’t care enough to set up a similar lunch. I find it funny that law schools gauge themselves and take pride in their bar passage rate, yet not all schools take measures to look after the best interests of their bar takers.

Once I got into the room for lunch some familiar faces were already there like our bar coaches and 2 of our law school’s deans and some other familiar faces who took the test began to trickle in. The atmosphere of the room was really unique – some were silent, others just shocked, some relaxed, and some more freaked out than when they walked into the test. I was on the side of the relaxed spectrum. By no means did I feel like I nailed the essay portion but I had survived.

Surviving that first section in my opinion is one of the main keys to the exam – you’ve been through it – the questions in the next 3 sections will not be the same, but the pressure/anxiety/setting will be the same – it can’t get any worse. Realizing this and accepting this helped me relax and take full advantage of the break and getting lunch. The food was outstanding and the selection was perfect – every kind of food and drink we could have wanted other than alcohol. Although I would have loved a beer at this stage in the process I’m sure it would have led to at least 30 more and probably wouldn’t have helped my score (or would it?).

One of the things that shocked me during the first session of the test were how many people finished early, or just simply quit on themselves. Some stories were exchanged during lunch of other test takers completely leaving an essay blank, and others simply flaming out and leaving an hour in. Even more would fail to return from lunch for the 2nd half of the Florida test. I did not see anyone get up and quit but did notice a few people leaving ridiculously early and that stood out to me. Of course these people could just be amazingly brilliant or they simply let the stress and anxiety associated with the test win. Knowing that, I did not allow this to happen to me and was able to keep it together and provide a coherent answer was a major confidence booster heading into the 2nd half of day 1. Knowing this, regardless of my pending results was enough to give me peace and make me happy that I was at least getting my money’s worth.

The only anxiety I was feeling heading into the 2nd session was what the mystery Florida multiple choice topic the bar examiners had chosen for this sitting. I knew (as all test takers do) that FL civil and criminal procedure, and evidence will be tested – that comprises 2 of the 3 topics since FL civ & crim are combined. What we don’t know and they do not publish is what the final topic tested will be. The possible topics to be tested are: Business entities, which consists of corporations and partnerships, or Wills/Trusts. During my preparation I definitely gave respect to both topics but obviously spent much more time preparing on the two subjects that I knew I was going to be responsible for. Of the two that may or may not be tested I was much more comfortable and had much more success in practice was Wills/Trusts. I didn’t necessarily do poorly with business entities but if given the choice I would certainly prefer to face questions on Wills/Trusts. As mentioned (much) earlier in this blog, the FL multiple choice section which is always the 2nd half of the first day consists of 100 multiple choice questions and we have 3 hours to complete them. In mere minutes I would know exactly what I was going to face...

The Bar: I have sat at many, but never for one, and hopefully this is my last…

**Disclaimer – For those of you who loosely follow my blog or even for those who regularly follow – this is going to be a horridly long post that discusses my personal “adventure” of preparing for and then taking the Florida Bar exam. This post is more for me, for me to deal with what I have been through as well as document it. Although I feel a lot of stress in thinking about what I went through during the weeks leading up to and then the days of the test I feel it is important for me to document it and have a means of remembering it. Although I appreciate ALL my readers (all 2 of you – thanks!) this is a selfish post, mostly for me, and to some extent for you, so you know what I (and thousands of other bar takers) go through twice a year in Florida in order to make that J.D. worth more than a piece of paper and tens of thousands of dollars of debt.**

It is funny I have had my mind on writing this post for a long time now, out of some fear that I would somehow forget the experience. Of all things, the prep time, the last few days leading up to the exam, and taking the exam will be something that will be with me for quite a long time. Hopefully I will not have to relive the experience in July, but only time will tell. Speaking of time - the exact time I should know is on April 13. So now that the test is not looming over my head the date that I will know the results is now looming. I actually had a dream last night that I passed and received the score needed right on the number - I was definitely pleased and although I'd like a little more leeway in the way of scoring above what is needed passing is passing. Hopefully that dream will come true! The anxiety that I am feeling now waiting on the score however doesn't even compare to the prior two months of preparation or the feelings I experienced just days prior and the day of. There are good days and bad days while waiting - some days are really positive and I feel like I did fine, then there are other days where I feel like I should probably already start getting ready for July. It is all part of the waiting game I guess...

Below I am going to blog about the day to day events leading up to and during the test in a five part series of sorts – thanks to the recommendation of a close friend once I realized that at the conclusion of this post I was well over 9,000 words! I can only do so much to express what I went through physically and emotionally during that time but regardless of how skilled my writing may (or may not) be, there is simply no way to describe it and unless you have been through it, or plan on going through it, there's really no way to properly explain it but alas, I will try.

Part 1 – Leading up to the test:

The week preceding the exam I took one last full practice exam and then did some final prep and memorization of our "one pagers" which are geared toward learning the material that we must know for the essay portion of the exam. On Sunday February 22 I left Jacksonville and headed to Lakeland where I was going to spend the night and then head over to Tampa the next day. Nerd Alert – but based on the advice of an amazing professor - I actually recorded myself reading all of my one pagers (created by our bar coaches to help us learn the information needed for the Florida essays) so I could listen to them/continue to memorize them/study during the 3 hour drive from Jacksonville to Lakeland. Nerdy - but if that’s the difference between passing and failing I'm glad I did it! I really didn't start to get nervous or feel any different until I was packing for the week - THAT is when it really started to set in. The only thing I could compare it to is packing for a trip to the hospital for surgery or some trip that you really don't want to make but you know that you have to. It can be a sick feeling packing and trying to think ahead for any possible situation and becoming more and more apprehensive the further you get along in the process.

I waited to leave until Brittany got home from work and then said my goodbyes. It wasn't like I was going to be gone terribly long but it was hard to leave the support system that had been with me (and put up with me) during my whole preparation process. This part of the process was definitely more difficult than I thought it would be because taking this test and doing the best I can do is not just for me but for everyone, and I care much less about failing myself, but failing the people that I love and those who support me is unacceptable. I know it wouldn't be the end of the world to re-take in July but leading up to the exam I did not want to allow myself to think of that as an option. So when I arrived home I had this waiting for me on the bed:



Now to explain a bit. A while ago my mom gave me a small rubber chicken as a gag Christmas gift, many years and retaliatory chicken Christmas gifts later, we have assembled a "Brady Bunch" style chicken family. Anyway, depending on the time of year, or the reason for coming home the chicken family is situated to reflect their interpretation of why you are paying them a visit and sleeping in their bed. Of course, this time it was geared toward the bar, and it is a very fitting expression of my bar prep experience - the occasional beer (and maybe the need for a couple more), the need for Tums on a regular basis, and the need for some humor to relax - the chickens. It allowed for a relaxing moment and a couple of laughs before I went to bed for the night.

After spending a few minutes checking my email and then some time reviewing, it was time to head to bed and make an attempt at getting some sleep. Attempting to sleep is really all that I accomplished. I literally laid there thinking of all the different situations and honestly all of the bad things that I may have to go through during the test as well as all of the possible negative results. This is one of a very few times I lost control of myself during the time leading up to the test - my mind and negative thoughts are definitely my worst enemy - and that night definitely was a rough one.

I woke up early (6 a.m. – hey that’s early for me) and was back to work doing final preparations and memorization and around lunch time I headed up to "The Heights" for lunch with Dad. Lunch and talking about anything but the test was really what I needed to help me relax as much as I could before heading to Tampa. After lunch I spent another hour studying and then around 2 it was time to make the trip to my hotel in Tampa for the test. Fortunately mom snuck out of work a little early and was able to be home for me when I headed out. Similar to the goodbyes in Jacksonville these were just as difficult and involved some tears and then I was finally all alone and on my way to Tampa with my collision course for the Florida Bar Exam.

It was a pretty short trip and again, I listened to my recordings to help me study during any spare moment I had. Once I got to the hotel it was overrun with people staying there for the bar - it was a wild atmosphere. It’s quite a racket really, all of the hotels within walking distance of the convention center where the test is offered charge upwards of $250/night. The hotel was very nice but for what I paid for a Monday and Tuesday night in February was a bit much. When I pulled in there weren't any parking options except for valet (of course, at another $25/night) and it took me a while unloading all of my bags, books etc, and it actually took one of those bellman rolling carts to get all of my stuff from the car to the room. Looking back on it I kind of have to laugh about how much stuff I brought, I guess it is better to not pack while so anxious.

On the elevator to the room another person noticed my books etc and asked if I was here to take the bar. In full study mode I immediately thought this was some type of trick question and was hesitant to answer. Turns out this person felt the need to tell me that this was their second attempt to pass the bar exam. I’m not sure what this person was trying to do – trying to psych me out or just felt the need to share but either way it didn’t have any bearing on what I was going to do. Once I realized that – that it was just on me - no outside factors or people were going to determine how I did I felt a lot better about things and more relaxed.
Once I got everything into the room and settled in it was time to go on a recon mission and I was back on the elevator and out the door. One bit of advice that we received from our advisors was to walk to the convention center and actually go in and view the testing room so that:

1. We would know exactly where we were going and

2. The enormity of the room with all of the tables and chairs etc wouldn’t be a surprise the next morning when you first enter the room.

Walking around downtown Tampa around 5 p.m. on Monday made me realize that the only physical threat during this testing adventure would be to not get hit by a car. It’s not that the conditions for pedestrians were more dangerous than any other downtown area, but walking to/from the test the safest way to cross a street or to get to your destination certainly isn’t the first thing on your mind the day before the biggest exam of your life and for some this is about the time when being hit by a car wouldn’t be such a bad thing. So one bit of unexpected advice I will certainly pass along to future test takers is – Don’t get hit by a car!
It was about a 10 minute walk at a decent pace to get to the convention center and after walking around the inside for 15 minutes or so I finally had to ask the question that had probably been asked by hundreds of others at the information desk and was informed – that the test would take place on the “whole second floor” and that is when the sheer enormity of the whole test started to set in.
For those who don’t know, the bar exam is offered in only one location in Florida and it is only offered twice a year (The last Tuesday and Wednesday of February and the last Tuesday and Wednesday in July) so every recent law school graduate in the state from all 10 schools, and any out of state examinees all take the test together. The test consists of 2 days broken into four three hour sessions. The first day is strictly testing on Florida law also known as Part A. The morning session consists of three essays and you have three hours to complete them. The second three hour session consists of 100 multiple choice questions and you have three hours to complete that portion. The second day , also known as Part B, tests strictly on multi-state law (MBE – Multistate Bar Exam) – essentially this is a test on generally accepted legal concepts in the United States and cover 6 areas of law including Torts, Property, Constitutional Law, Evidence, Criminal Law, and Contracts. The full second day is all multiple choice, 100 in the morning, and then 100 in the afternoon. It may not sound like a lot but physically and mentally it takes a lot out of you.

Once I got to the room/full second floor area they weren’t finished setting up and none of the tables were in place. I stood in the room for a few minutes and took it all in. The sheer size of this room is difficult to put into words, it was huge. Once I was done taking it all in, I was on my way back to the room. When I got back to the hotel room I spent most of the evening going over some of my review materials and had planned to walk down to a Subway around 8 p.m. and take a short break while getting dinner. I finished reviewing some of my Florida notes and then finally headed out to grab some dinner. It was a short 2 block walk and as I approached the Subway I was pleased to see that the “Open” neon light was still on. I walked up, tugged the door – locked. After looking at the hours posted on the window I realized I was about 10 minutes too late. Fortunately I saw a Quizno’s on the other corner of the block and headed that way as well – also closed at 8. This trip around downtown Tampa is starting to look like a waste and not quite the start I was hoping for on this bar exam adventure. So here I was in downtown Tampa with nothing to eat and headed back to my hotel. On the walk back however I did notice that the Florida Museum of Photographic Arts was literally across the street from my hotel. Unfortunately I would not be able to visit during this trip but it is definitely on my radar and I can’t wait to get back to Tampa and visit the museum.
Once I returned to the hotel I called in an order to room service – which was thankfully still open and ordered some dinner. I ate as much as I could but at around 9:30 the night before the bar exam it is tough to be relaxed enough to have a full meal, especially with my stomach. The dinner was great and then I took some time to review and then finally made myself stop around midnight and was in bed by 12:30. I prayed before I went to sleep like I always do and I didn’t ask for any favors from God at all, I just simply asked to have peace in my mind and heart so I could sleep and for me to be able to stay relaxed and focused so I could do my best based on the preparation I have done in the last two months. I usually don’t share stories about my faith and religion because although it is important to me, I do not want others to feel that I am forcing my beliefs or religion on others. My faith and why I have faith are very private things to me. The warmth and peace that almost immediately came over me while I was praying and reflecting before I slept was astounding and I have never felt so relaxed or at peace before such an important event in my life. I was asleep in a matter of minutes and got a great night’s sleep. If that isn’t something miraculous I am not sure what is.

Some blog posts just shouldn't be titled and this is definitely one of those posts. The above photo, at least for me, says it all. One year ago today my grandfather passed away. Fortunately, the day before I had the chance to say goodbye one last time. Fittingly he left us on a Sunday which was the day we would always eat lunch or dinner together as a family over at my grandparent's house. I have so many amazing memories from these family dinners I can't help but smile remembering all of the good times. I am so thankful for all of the opportunities I had to spend time with him, the stories he told that I will never forget, and the love he shared.

Unfortunately after a full day last year I had to return from Lakeland to Jacksonville to attend classes for two days prior to returning home later in the week for the memorial service. When I got back to Jacksonville I just wasn't quite ready to go home yet so I went to one of my favorite places to take pictures. It was around sunset and I had my camera with me but I didn't have the intention to take any pictures - I just wanted to relax and reflect on the day and my life up to that point. When I got to the dock I was the only person there and the silence and loneliness was amazing - as it turns out exactly what I needed. Physically my grandfather was not with me, but with the beauty all around me and the warmth I felt I knew he was all around me. I shot a few frames and then would just stand and reflect and take in the sunset and the whole scene. Those 45 minutes alone on that dock helped me more than I ever could have imagined.

The above photo was one of the shots I took that evening and is one of my all time favorite photos. The pathway down the dock represents to me the path of mourning the loss of someone very important to me. Of course you can see an end to the path but the amount of time it takes someone to get to the end of that path depends on the individual - some faster than others. The side planks represent all of the support and love he gave me over the years. Without that support I wouldn't be where I am or who I am today. The golden tones in the wood represent all of the fond memories I have of him and the amazing stories he shared. The blue color of the sky and background fit the mood I was in at the time, sad, yet at peace. The impending darkness symbolizes the end of something great but with every night comes a new day tomorrow and that is an eternal truth.

All of that out of a photo of a dock after sunset on one of the worst days of my life.

It is funny to me, any time I show at Artwalk and display this shot, regardless of where I place it, or what I display it with, this photo always gets the most comments and attention from everyone. I love the picture because of what it means to me - when it was taken and what it represents but I find it odd some of the reactions I get however it is very pleasing considering how much the shot means to me. Every time I get a positive comment I always smile and think to myself "if you only knew."

I had the chance to revisit the dock again today. I arrived like I always do, looking for peace and maybe a few decent photos. The below shot is from this evening's sunset and my new friend Steve returning home to his boat, the Nova:



Today may not have been the happiest days for me, but it certainly wasn't a bad day at all. I spent a lot of time remembering the good times and reflecting on how truly lucky I am. You will always be fondly remembered and missed Pawpaw.